I love being a pediatrician. I love being a mom. I wouldn't change either of those things for the world.
Let there be no mistake about those things. But....
Sometimes I would really just love a day without children. I fantasize about waking up, working out and taking a shower, drinking a cup or five of coffee, doing some reading and writing and not having to take care of kids, mine or otherwise.
In this fantasy day I might even go shopping. It's not something I love to do, it's just that whenever I do it, I can't linger for a moment for fear of losing my daughter or having her yank something off a shelf or break something. Forget trying anything on. I've tried a few times, she either escapes under the curtain into the adjacent stall or opens the dressing room door for the world to see as my head is stuck in a shirt. I love bookstores but with Adeline I can't make it out of the children's section for more than 5 minutes. It's not that she misbehaves, she doesn't know better, she's three and she gets bored and de-shelves all the books looking for pictures. Books are never off limits at home...why would these ones be any different?
On this kid free day I might do some cooking. I like to cook, I like to experiment with unusual recipes with a million ingredients. I love to cook with Adeline too. She's a good helper and it's great to give her tasks as she sits on a bar stool and "helps" me cook. But every once in a while I'd like to have the kitchen to myself.
I imagine moms and dads who work at home have similar fantasies. Just a day to get stuff done and maybe have a little "me" time. Do other pediatricians, school teachers and daycare providers feel this way too? Am I the only one? On Tuesday mornings I drop Adeline at daycare and spend 2 hours on my own before work. Right now, those are my only two child free hours in a week. Joel watches Adeline on Mondays and Fridays. I watch her on Wednesdays. On the weekends we share duties and on Tuesdays and Thursdays she's at "school" while Joel works from home. Even though I know he's working, I envy him and the days he has the house to himself. Is this selfish?
I wonder if I would crave these kinds of days if I didn't take care of kids for a living. I love working with children. I get to laugh and play and be silly while I do what I love. But it's draining too. There is no end to the jibber-jabber, drool, crying and "accidents". I wonder if I had a little more time without children if I would be a better pediatrician and a better mom. Not to mention a better wife. I'm not talking a day a week, like I said I love my daughter and my job and would feel sad and guilty without them but maybe one day a month....
